Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.