Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

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(863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw

Replies (11) Good night (4764) Bad night (706)
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(813): View more from Florida

I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

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(813): I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business??? http://tfl.nu/t2g2

Replies (22) Good night (5040) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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(416): View more from Ontario

He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

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(416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw

Replies (81) Good night (966) Bad night (5722) Order T-Shirt
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

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(502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc

Replies (26) Good night (8869) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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(616): View more from Michigan

you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed

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(616): you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed http://tfl.nu/lgzp

Replies (15) Good night (4514) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq

Replies (36) Good night (9667) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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(480): View more from Arizona

He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.

(602): View more from Arizona

Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?

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(480): He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere. (602): Why would he say turtle mid-fuck? http://tfl.nu/okxi

Replies (17) Good night (5624) Bad night (1103)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

i cant cry in cvs. not again.

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(803): i cant cry in cvs. not again. http://tfl.nu/7epn

Replies (8) Good night (848) Bad night (3517) Order T-Shirt
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?

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(662): Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened? http://tfl.nu/nd5l

Replies (6) Good night (3005) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

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(401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g

Replies (3) Good night (2653) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.

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(843): I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/3pc6

Replies (15) Good night (4356) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
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(812): View more from Indiana

Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

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(812): Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave? http://tfl.nu/yd5g

Replies (4) Good night (2708) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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(813): View more from Florida

I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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(813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika

Replies (14) Good night (740) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.

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(603): Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on. http://tfl.nu/oqbv

Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?

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(832): I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going? http://tfl.nu/o7kr

Replies (8) Good night (941) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt

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