He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped