worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That reminds me...we need to get swords
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..