The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.