I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?