i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
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we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.