I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
