I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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