you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
