she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
