Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think your dad took our porno
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.