I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
