i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
