tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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