He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.