Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.