so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality