im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.