I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now