The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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