She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
