i permit you to call me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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