she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
