Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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