Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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