yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize