At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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