I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
