next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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