Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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