We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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