i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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