im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN