Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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