yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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