I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
