he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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