His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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