I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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