I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
