Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
