I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
