so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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