So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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