Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.