Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.