i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.