Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?