the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
