; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.