first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.