i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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