How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize