i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
