How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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