We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land