That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.