I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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