I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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