i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it