Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible