Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.