just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex