Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
