i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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