I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
