You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
