he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize