just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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